


Fifteen

by Aleatory



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dating, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Blow Jobs, Insecure Gabriel, M/M, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-15
Updated: 2015-01-15
Packaged: 2018-03-07 15:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3176715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aleatory/pseuds/Aleatory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel feels inadequate next to his new boyfriend Sam. He counts their touches, counts what he is given and what he doesn't deserve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fifteen

**Author's Note:**

> Originally on tumblr, moved here to make life easier for everyone :)  
> This is a human/college AU; no angels or demons, just students.

the  **first**  time Sam touches him is on the fourth day of college when they meet and Sam offers him his hand to shake. They’re standing in a shaft of sunlight in the basement of the library, Sam looking for a history book that he doesn't need for class and Gabriel reading behind the shelves so no one can see the pocketful of hard candy he shouldn't have in the library, and Gabriel laughs and tells Sam that he’s a bit of a history buff himself, and they should hang out sometime.

the  **second**  time Sam touches him is when they’re hanging out with Kevin and Meg and Brady and Jess, and Sam rests an elbow on his shoulder to illustrate the height difference. Gabriel pushes him off and calls him  _Samsquatch_ and Sam ducks his head and laughs. Gabriel thinks he’s really, really gorgeous and wishes he himself wasn't so short. Sam loves mythology and history and superheroes and urban legends and Gabriel thinks he’s in love.

the **third**  time Sam touches him is when Brady and Meg have gone to bed and they’re the only ones left in the lounge and Sam asks if he’d like to go to the tiny fair an hour away that he went to as a kid and when Gabe tells him yes, Sam wraps an arm around him. Gabriel loves resting against Sam’s side but hates how soft he is around the middle- where Sam has muscle. The sofa seems too warm suddenly but Sam is just right.

the **fourth**  time Sam touches him is on the top of the ferris wheel that Saturday, when Gabriel tells him that he should really be taking some pretty girl, or guy, his own age on the rides and not a 23 year old junior working towards a degree in knowing useless shit, and Sam leans over and kisses the corner of his mouth. The seat swings and the woman behind them ‘tsk’s and Gabriel forgets all the degrading whispers in his head while they’re up there, but they come back in full force on the ride home. 

the  **fifth**  time Sam touches him, they hold hands and walk to the ice cream place one last time before the fall weather closes it down, and the  **sixth**  time is when Sam kisses the strawberry off Gabriel’s lips. His tongue is warm but the chocolate on it is chilled. It’s not the touch, but noticing that Sam’s got a  _small_  cone that makes him feel disgusted with himself again and when Sam suggests a dip in the lake he says he’s too cold. His shirt stays on.

the  **seventh**  time Sam touches him, they hug in the hallway when Sam looks stressed, and the way Sam appreciates it makes him almost forget about how Sam must have felt his body during that hug. Almost. Sam is hard-working and kind and patient and Gabriel thinks he doesn't deserve him.

the  **eighth**  time Sam touches him is when they’re at the park, again, before the weather changes, and Sam is the far superior frisbee player. Gabriel fights the urge to push Sam away when he comes over for a kiss, because the only thing in his head right now is that he's not good enough for this. Sam notices, says nothing. The yellow leaves are beginning to float down and Gabriel  _knows_ he doesn’t deserve him.

the  **ninth**  time Sam touches him is a quick brush of hands in the hallway when Sam tells him to come over tonight and his stomach drops a little. 

the  **tenth**  time Sam touches him is when Sam half pulls him onto the bottom bunk and tells him that it doesn't matter if they've both already seen Captain America, he wants them to watch it together, and Gabriel tries so, so hard not to slap Sam’s hand off his stomach when they cuddle. He forgets to try not to tense up, and Sam mutes the movie and asks if everything’s okay, and Gabriel tells him everything. Tells him that those stories about all the girls and guys he’d been with were made up. Tells him that he can’t understand why Sam would want to be with someone like him. Tells him that he  _hates_ the softness of his stomach and how he hadn't wanted Sam to find out and why is Sam even bothering with someone who-

the  **eleventh**  time Sam touches him is when Sam cuts him off before he can get carried away by kissing him, softly and sweetly, maintaining space between their bodies until Gabriel slowly gravitates back to Sam’s arms, letting him touch. Captain America continues silently in the background.

the  **twelfth**  time Sam touches him is just after he looks Gabe dead in the eyes and tells him just how much he  _wants_ him- wants to talk with him, wants to touch this hated body as much as he can, wants to just  _be with you, Gabriel._ It’s also just after he asks if he can take off Gabriel’s shirt, and Gabriel swallows and agrees. That twelfth time is all about Sam’s mouth starting on his and then moving lower, kissing his collarbone and the light, gold hairs over his sternum. It’s about Sam brushing his lips over Gabriel’s stomach and Gabriel feeling the familiar tremble but letting it go this time to enjoy Sam’s hands on his hips.

the  **thirteenth** time Sam touches him, Sam crawls back up and looks at him again and asks if he can go further,  _lower_ , and Gabriel reminds him that he’s never- that he doesn't know how to- and Sam grins and asks again and Gabriel says yes. Sam’s roommate is away and Sam’s hair feels amazing between his fingers and Sam's stubble rubs over his thighs, but he doesn't focus on those things.

the  **fourteenth**  time Sam touches him, they've turned the movie back on and Sam’s strong arms are around his middle, and he relaxes this time. His back is against Sam’s warm flannel and Sam keeps nuzzling into his hair, which is weird but okay, and he hasn't put his shirt back on. It wasn't any of the other touches that made this whole shirtless cuddles thing work out, it was just this unexpected assurance that Sam wants to touch, and loves what he’s touching. The movie is fantastic but he doesn't stay awake until the end.

the  **fifteenth** time Sam touches him is the last time he keeps count. It’s the kiss good morning when he wakes up and finds that he’s still in Sam’s bed, and that Sam’s curled up in bed next to him. The sheets are warm and it’s a Saturday, and he knows there’ll still be days when he hates the way his body feels, but knowing that Sam loves the way his body feels- curled next to his own in bed, or any other way they might discover- makes him think that maybe he can make it through those days. Gabriel thinks that maybe for the first time he’s going to believe himself deserving.

**Author's Note:**

> If you need me for some peculiar reason, I'm at aleatoryw.tumblr.com.


End file.
